BURRITO WISDOM – a vegetarian burrito quest www.burritowisdom.com


Posted in Uncategorized by burritowizard on March 23, 2010

On this very night, 10 years ago; along this same stretch of road, in a dense fog, just like this, Andy Cone was forcefully removed from Cactus Mexican Food #2.  Like a garbage truck dropped off the Empire State Building, he did not go gently.

Patronizing Cactus on a regular basis, you’ll find they put out their salsa bar, which is one of the best in the country, on an erratic schedule.

Like a shoe gazer in front of a methadone clinic, you wait for them to put out the salsa bar.  “What time do you put out the salsa bar?”, you ask.  “Que” she responds.  “A que hora se saquen las salsas”, you ask.  “No se”, she responds.  You hover over the stand for the next 2 and ½ hours, much to her chagrin.  At 3:15 pm she puts out the salsa bar.

The next day repeat the above, only it’s 5:59 pm when the salsa bar goes out.

The following day: repeat, but it’s 12:34 pm when the salsa bar is out.

The illogical inconsistency drives you insane.  Enter Andy Cone.  He’s mad as hell and not gonna take this anymore.  He begins to pound on the plexiglass demanding the mole sauce (actually chipotle), and the salsa bar.

He’s spent a great deal of money and pain on dental work, and is just today able to chew solid food on the right side of his mouth.

Chuy, the biggest guy in the kitchen, comes out and lightly grabs Andy, and politely escorts him to the curb at Beverly Blvd.  He then cajoles him with his oversized hands, causing Andy to begin walking away from Cactus Mexican Food #2.  Andy turns around, and makes a motion back towards the stand, but Chuy like an All Pro NFL Tackle, pushes him away with a thrusting of the palms of his hands.

Andy made one more effort, but like General Custer’s Last Stand at Little Bighorn, it was futile.  Rest assured, Andy did not go gently that night.

2 Responses

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  1. Arlene said, on March 24, 2010 at 4:36 PM

    This is a riot. Reads like a screen play. It only gets better with your ending picture. BTW, do YOU make burritos? I’d bet by now you could build a very tasty one.

  2. burritowizard said, on March 27, 2010 at 11:53 AM

    To critique theater or literature, one does not need know how to create; but to review food, one must know how to cook.

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